Me, mySELF, & EI,

Dr. Tasha Eurich – Internal & External Self-Awareness & The Dinner of Truth – Me, mySELF, & EI (Part 7) – EP166

May 07, 2020

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Tasha Eurich, PhD, is an Organisational Psychologist, researcher and New York Times best seller. She’s the author of two awesome books (Bankable Leadership and Insights) and her TED talks have been viewed in the tens of millions of times.

So, I was thrilled when she agreed to be a guest on the show. It was without doubt one of my favourite conversations I’ve had in this entire podcasting learning journey so far. The timing was perfect too as it aligns up excellently with the Me, mySELF, & EI series as we continue to deep dive into the area of Self-Awareness.

The interview is absolutely packed with insights Tasha has discovered from her own career journey as well as from the research she’s done for her books and from her consulting and executive coaching practice that she’s been running for the last decade.

I could have written a small book from the notes I took during the edit of this one but here are some of the key points & takeaways:

  • Earliest Memory from the age of 6 with her mother following her around and seeing how much of a positive impact business and leaders can make on the people lives…
  • Having a very clear moment of discovering her life purpose – thinking of business psychology – moved to NY and took a small summer school course – the heavens opened up – knew straight away this was it!
  • The role luck in success, with Hard work & paying attention!!
  • The power of paying attention
  • First book – Bankable Leadership from 2013 – codify what she learned about leadership!
  • Key learning – finding the tension between making people happy v driving results – most leaders had a preference
    • A cool parent leader
    • A trail of dead bodies leader
    • Doing dozens of research to see best leaders are good at both
  • 3 steps to becoming a better leader?
    1. Knowing ones self
    2. Picking one thing
    3. Practicing every day!!
  • First Ted talk focused on this and the self-awareness piece emerged
  • The rise of Self-Awareness and why it’s become so important
    1. Know thyself has been there for ever – philosophy
    2. Really on started in last half of 1900 – but not good research done on it
  • Business leaders started to look at self-awareness more in the last decade to deal with the speed of change
  • Leaders can’t rely on what got them where they are today
  • Why Tasha believes Self-Awareness is the Meta skill of the 21st Leader….
  • The deep focus on data and research
  • Ted Talk on Self-Awareness….
    1. What
    2. Why
    3. How to get more of it!

 

  • 2 Types of people – those who think they are v actually are?
  • The most surprising finding – survey 300 people…T=the more people reflect, the more self-aware they’d be?
    1. In truth, it showed the exact opposite – less self-aware?
  • Question – is self-awareness actually good?
  • Introspection is not bad, it’s the HOW it’s done is the issue
  • 95% of people believe they are self-aware, 10% are!
  • How can people start doing things differently?
  • Finding 50 people that didn’t start out as self-aware but improved self-awareness – what did they do?
    1. The Paradox that arose – feeling confidence but also knowing more they could learn!
    2. Paradox – Confidence and Curiosity!
  • Self-compassionate curiosity – like exploring space…. there is always more to know
  • Key lesson – a braver but wiser mindset
  • Be open to recalibrating the mindset!
  • Don’t put pressure on yourself from 0 to 60 overnight
  • Everyday Insights to improve Self-Awareness is the key
  • What patterns were uncovered with the 50 people that were more self-aware?
    1. None based on demographics
    2. A belief in seeing themselves clearly
    3. A commitment to improve themselves daily
  • Data showed – people who introspected were more stress and less happy / less control
  • The more you introspect, the greater negative results.
  • When coaching a CEO – talk to 30 people that they are connected to – this is important to be all rounded and learning about this person
  • Leaders now more than ever need to bring their whole self to the role
  • Example of a senior leader with family pictures visible
  • How to deal with the discomfort of bringing in the whole self…
  • The initial reaction of learning the truth doesn’t predict how successful we will be
  • The short fire walk leading to the puppies and rainbows
  • It’s all about making the small changes on a daily basis

Key Tools:

  1. Have an internal understand of who they are – internal self-awareness / Inside out…
    1. Thinking about yourself too deeply can lead us astray
    2. Practice – a daily check-ins

Ask yourself 3 questions ?

  • What went well today?
  • What did not go so well?
  • How can I be smarter tomorrow?

 

  1. Self-awareness external / outside in

Tool – The Dinner of Truth

Question – what do I do that is most annoying to you?

  • Get the feedback from this and how valuable this can be
  • Actionable feedback
  • A great experience deepening relationship
  • Never as bad as you would expect
  • How this works?
  • The tool of emotional labour
  • Coherence is key

 

Questions from LinkedIn

  • TIME – 39:15
  • Moria O’Toole – How can people who are not self-aware but think they are complete a self-assessment accurately
    1. Book on Emotional Intelligence – people’s level of EI has improved over last 15 years….these are self-reported scores..
    2. Limitations in how we assess ourselves when things are socially desirable
    3. We are often not the best judges!
    4. Our own evaluations are important as is that of theirs..
    5. Living with the paradox is important!
    6. LIVE WITH IT!

 

  • TIME 42:45
  • JOHARI WINDOW – UNKNOWN TO ME AND OTHERS
    1. In the Coronavirus situation
    2. When a crisis happens – you can find out what these unknowns are
    3. What have you learned and others

Connect in with Tasha

  • It’s not about me, it’s about them
  • The free quiz – get a high-level view of their own self-awareness
  • How Self-Aware are you – Insight-quiz.com
  • New Book in the works with the working title ‘when bad things happen’
  • Advice – Trust the process and see where it ends up

Photo Credit – Elena Seibert

 

Links to Tasha’s work:

  • https://hbr.org/2018/10/working-with-people-who-arent-self-aware
  • https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-right-way-to-respond-to-negative-feedback
  • https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it
  • https://ideas.ted.com/the-right-way-to-be-introspective-yes-theres-a-wrong-way

 

Video

https://www.ted.com/talks/tasha_eurich_increase_your_self_awareness_with_one_simple_fix

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