Right now, this very moment, as I write this, I’m fighting off a very strong temptation to begin this final piece of the Dry 2018 Post Series with an inspirational quote (from someone way more inspirational than me) with the key word ‘impossible.’ How else do articles start these days anyway? Especially ones that cover such a mammoth challenge as an Irish person giving up alcohol for a year.
A part of me really wants to go with the famous Mandela quote “it always seems impossible until it’s done.” Another part prefers the one from Audrey Hepburn “nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible”, and yet another tiny voice in me is championing one from a book I recently read by
Yogananda Paramhansa with “nothing is impossible unless you think it is”. But no, I’m not going to go there. That would be way too predictable.
Why ‘impossible’? Well, 12 months ago, giving up drink for a full year did seem a little like that. Not just to me. Many that know me thought it too. And maybe a little bit outrageous. The Questions coming at me were “Why deprive yourself of it?” or “You work hard so why not have a few now and then?” followed by reassuring encouragement of “It’s not as if there was a problem with it. Enjoy it.”
To be fair, while I sensed deep down it wasn’t impossible, to go through a full calendar year without having any Alcohol was a bit daunting. Even if I had become a much more occasional drinker in the last number of years, giving up that glass of Red on a Friday night after a busy work week, or asking for diet Coke instead of a Beer when out for a Meal or at a work gathering was not going to be easy.
Thankfully, as the first few months flew by, I realized this task was far from unsurmountable. Like any Big Goal, if you chunk it up into smaller pieces, it becomes very manageable. So, an elaborate quote stating the ‘impossible’ doesn’t seem apt. As the year progressed, I noticed other words coming up that were more fitting. Words like ‘choice’, ‘options’, ‘simplicity’, ‘commitment’, and ‘freedom’. By removing the choice, and making the commitment, the freedom came, and life became simpler. I’m still working on how to make that into a profound quote to inspire but maybe this could work:
“Simplicity and Freedom comes when you commit to the choice” – Rob O’Donohue (various times during 2018)
Ok, not in the Mandela or Hepburn league but it’s one I’ve gone back to a number of times this year. I’ve noticed too that this approach can be applied to other Big Goals too.
So, as I finalize this post now, early in 2019 and reflect back, what are some big learnings that stand out?
Reconditioning
Are you familiar with
Pavlov’s Dog– the experiment that became famous over 100 years ago by Ivan Pavlov. He studied the behaviour of Dogs and developed a theory of classical conditioning. It explains how people associate two stimuli in their minds and react to one of them as though it was the other. Every time, after the right conditioning, Pavlov’s Dog heard a bell, it would salivate more expecting food.
For the longest time, when something momentous happened, something exciting, important, and worth celebrating, associating a few beers or a night out with it was the norm. Getting a promotion, completing a marathon, a holiday away, watching an Arsenal match, and so on. All would bring on a Pavlovian response within. Instead of salivating expecting food, it would be a signal to get the Beers in! I’d been conditioned that way.
During the year, one of the biggest ‘A-ha’s’ has been how this conditioning has begun to alter. I’ve been reprogramming myself to associate the excitement with a different response. Maybe that was to go for a nice meal, or to the cinema. Or do nothing at all and just enjoy the moment. It’s been an eye opener as I look back. Breaking habits can be tough, yet reconditioning is possible. Leading to a better outcome. And thankfully, no Dogs were harmed in this year-long experiment.
“You must feel great?” – asked by many all year!
My short answer is yes, absolutely, but not in ways you might expect. Physically, I’d feel ok a couple of days after a big night out. So that’s not been hugely noticeable. In fact, I’ve probably had more head colds this year than I’ve had in the last decade combined. The real improvements have been more Emotionally & Mentally. Having zero hangovers during the year has been amazing. It allowed me to stick to my routine and get more done. It also allowed me to do nothing more often too. I haven’t created more time, I’ve just been able to put it to better use. The Inner Critic, my Gremlin in my head, that lovely voice that’s always been there to give me a hard time after a night out. Well, he’s had a bad year. A quieter one for sure. I now find myself having the 'Fear' (which was explained in a previous post
here) only when I think about actually having the Fear!
I’ve often compared my life in my twenties, when my social life was full on, to a game of Snakes and Ladders (for those millennials, it was a physical board game popular a long time ago – forgive me if it still is). I’d manage to make great progress up the board, ladder by ladder, skilfully navigating the many snakes there to set me back. But always before too long, the snake’s charm would be too much to escape. The snake here would be the alcohol of course. Or maybe it’s that Gremlin again enticing me into places where it knew I’d regret later. Either way, it led to a fall. Back down the board. Setting me back. This year, while there have been temptations, I’ve managed to navigate my way up the board much more mindfully.
“I personally believe that the majority of people who have down moments in their lives, they can actually trace it back, quite often, to alcohol. Perhaps the only days of my life that I feel lethargic is instead of having two glasses at night time I had five or six”. - Richard Branson
Dealing with downers!
I vividly recall hearing the above from Richard Branson in a podcast with Tim Ferriss in late 2017. It was around that time I was thinking about cutting out the booze totally and his words stayed with me since. As I reflect back on the years when I did drink, while alcohol been a catalyst for many great nights, I can relate to Sir Branson’s experiences. I’d safely say that 99% of the nights/days where I’ve felt very low have come very soon after alcohol. Combine that with a pre-disposition to overthinking, giving myself a hard time, and a lean towards anxiety and you have a dangerous mix.
Over the course of 2018, and none more so than in the last 8 weeks of the year, I’ve had to face tough times and deal with very real-life situations. It was difficult to look for positives, be optimistic, and try to reign in that very disruptive and over active critic in my mind. Difficult but manageable. I have no doubt, if I ever added a hangover to that mix, I’d have been in a different darker place altogether. So, from that perspective, my Mood, Emotional Agility and levels of Grit have improved this year thanks to less time on the rollercoaster that accompanies booze.
Other Hidden Benefits
At the very end of 2017, I wrote a piece called
‘2018 Goal Setting with the Heart & Mind’ where I focused on setting goals that weren’t just
SMART. They also had to have Heart or a real sense of Emotion woven in. Instead of ‘No Alcohol for the full year of 2018’ (which starts with a negative as well so not really that positive to begin with), I went for ‘
Make each day count & Wake-up fresh in 2018, free of alcohol and hangovers!’. For me, the second option has much more feeling in it. I can really buy into making the days count more and getting up with a clear head is always a good way to start the day.
Goal Setting for me has always been an activity I did around Christmas time for the Year ahead. For the most part, it’s been very much focused on the result or the outcome. Laser focused on the finish line. Sure, I’ve bought into the saying of ‘enjoy the journey, not just the destination’ but never really fully appreciated it until this year. Through many of the conversations I’ve had with guests on the podcast, time and again, it became very clear that so much learning, growth, and personal development comes through the suffering and challenges faced along the path. That has been so true with Dry 18.
As I’ve journaled and kept track of the year sans-beer, it's been a real positive when I realise how many unexpected benefits have come from it. When I took a step back from other goals I’ve been following, the same has been true. The unexpected fringe benefits from Podcasting, learning to Swim, writing more frequently, creating Video content, and others, have all been arguably more significant and pleasing than completing whatever SMART goal I had signed up to.
Other takeaways I’ve noticed? There have been many. I’ve touched on these in the previous posts over the year so far and that’s been a great way to track my progress. Not losing a phone or having to get its glass repaired this year has been a nice perk too. I noticed very vividly too the growing numbers of non-Alcoholic Beers on the shelves of Supermarkets and in the Pubs? Could this be a sign of things to come?
Dry 19?
"So, are you going to go back ‘on it?" – Asked many People in late 2018
In March, I interviewed
Jim Breen for the podcast. It was the morning after St. Patricks Day. A day when a lot of Irish people might be not in the mood for recording a podcast. Both of us were in good form having had a booze free March 17
th. During this conversation, which I would say is one of my favourites from the year, the topic of mindset came up. Jim shared something that has stuck with me to this day.
Jim shared a simple example on Jogging and how, many times, it’s difficult to get yourself on the road. He suggested to listen to the language you use. Do you say ‘
I HAVE to go for a jog’. What if we changing this to ‘I
GET to go for a jog’ or 'I WANT'. It brings on a whole different feeling. It’s a privilege to go, not a chore. As I write this, this idea comes up for me as I apply it to drinking. It’s more of a ‘Get to’ than a ‘Have to’. It’s something I feel I can choose to, or not.
The reconditioning that’s started during 2018 has helped me adjust my attitude. Right now, I’m not sure I even WANT to. I’m happier than ever without it. We’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll start with Dry January and go for there.
CTAs?
In early 2018, someone connected with me over social media after reading one of the posts.
“It’s a really good post but what’s your CTA? That needs to be more clear!” She commented.
I’m ashamed to admit it but I had to Google CTA to find out it was
Call To Action! It’s hard to keep up with these acronyms.
My approach to writing is evolving. 2018 has been fun as I’ve been able to share the experiences with Dry 18. I hope the message from these posts have provided some encouragement to readers in setting & following their own Goals, Alcohol related or others. The CTAs might have not been very explicit, more implicit but still useful I hope.
Now, in the first few days of 2019, let me make my CTA a bit more robust! I can
guarantee whatever Goal you set for 2019, even if it’s just for January, or February, or maybe just even a week, you will gain a lot more following the path than you every imagined. That I can promise. You just need to commit, take action and stick with it.
2018 has been a huge year in my life. I’ve got engaged, become a Dad for the first time, developed greater self-belief, improved my decisiveness, and been able to deal with anxiety and stress better than ever before. Can I attribute all of these great experiences, events and learning to Dry18? Probably not all, but some! There is no doubt it’s made life better. And that was the best outcome I could have hoped for.
My CTA may not be as grandiose as how Tony Robbins, Tim Ferriss, or the like may put it. I’ll just keep it simple with these key points to refer to when setting out your goals. (I didn't try to create an acronym for it either!).
- SMART– For each goal, make sure it meets the specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timebound criteria
- Emotion- Make sure they excite & scare you a little
- Chunking- Break them down into days, weeks, smaller tasks and manageable chunks!
- Value- Get clear on the outcomes you hope to achieve? (is it worth doing?)
- Reflect- Check in regularly and reflect on what you’re learning (the unexpected benefits)
- Kindness- Don’t give yourself a hard time if you fail. Be kind to yourself. You can always reset the goal if it’s not working out.
Sometimes we go for Goals that are about completely stopping something Cold Turkey. Or even starting something without ever having done it before (like running a 5km when you’ve never run 1km before). This is why all of the above points are key. And the Goal could be as simple as doing more of something or doing less of another. Having Goals give you purpose. They’re worth the effort.
What's your Goal for 2019? Good luck with it. Let me know if I can help.
Happy New Year!
Footnote – A very special word of thanks & congratulations to my good Friend Richard McCaffrey who has been my co-pilot on the Dry18 voyage. We’ve both come out the other side better. Well done, Richardo. We did it!!
Just in case you are looking for a handy Goal setting & tracking calendar for 2019, I’ve added a simple one to the website you can download and use to track progress. You can even add a new tab for lessons learned or benefits you didn’t expect. Tweak it however you feel necessary. It’s been useful for me over the last year so go for it.
Here’s the link -
http://robofthegreen.ie/goalsetting/
Rob is a qualified Executive Coach and has been Mentoring and Coaching over the last decade in various roles held during his career. In 2017, Rob launched the Rob of the Green Platform which hosts the 1% Better Podcast. Rob currently is a director of Project Management and Leadership Coaching at Dell in Cork, Ireland. Rob also publishes articles on productivity, goal setting, meditation, and other topics.
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